I always asked myself what kind of love do I want, do I need.🤔 Answer the messy and wild, heart pounding one. 🫂

🕊️ LOVE, FANTASY & FOUNDATION — A Structural Realization 💙✨

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🌿 INTRO / CONTEXT

This isn’t about choosing between two men.

This is about choosing stability over intensity. 💭

Over the past weeks, I’ve been untangling something deeper than romance — I’ve been untangling what safe love actually means for me.

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🔍 INCIDENT

There were two long-distance connections.

One offered shared gaming, real-time calls, and MMO dates. 🎮

The other offered emotional depth, admiration for my mythos, and creative encouragement. 📖

Both had something meaningful.

But both lived mostly in potential.

There were hotel-suite fantasies.

High school sweetheart timelines.

“If I had more money…” promises.

But not many calendar dates.

And that distinction matters. 🗓️

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💭 EMOTIONAL ANALYSIS

At first, I was afraid of losing him.

Then I realized I wasn’t afraid of losing romance — I was afraid of losing stability.

After trauma, the nervous system doesn’t crave intensity.

It craves safety. 🤍

And I had unknowingly fused two things together:

“Into my mythos”

“Into me”

Because my mythos isn’t just a hobby. It’s my inner world.

But immersion does not equal integrity.

Fantasy does not equal logistics.

Intensity does not equal stability.

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🧬 FAMILY / SYSTEM DYNAMIC

A pattern surfaced:

Deep empathy for their shame

Long silence cycles

Guilt for wanting more

Willingness to downgrade expectations to avoid losing them

Even considering friends-with-benefits felt easier than asking for commitment.

That wasn’t desire talking.

That was fear of abandonment.

And I caught it. 💡

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🌑 DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

I said I was done with love.

I said the man of my dreams doesn’t exist.

I said maybe it’s all fantasy.

But that wasn’t truth.

That was exhaustion.

When you only have two long-distance examples in ten years, scarcity can feel like destiny.

It’s not destiny.

It’s limited proximity.

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🔥 PHOENIX RISING

Three pillars became clear:

1️⃣ Emotional depth

2️⃣ Shared participation (gaming, mythos, laughter, co-creation)

3️⃣ Consistent action

Not just words.

Not just imagination.

Not just admiration.

Consistency.

Trust doesn’t explode anymore.

It grows slowly. 🌱

Week by week.

Call by call.

Plan by plan.

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🎭 SITCOM REMIX

Hotel suites and missed-birthday galas are cinematic. 🎬

Coffee dates with a confirmed time are real. ☕

Roll initiative with the one who sets the date. 🎲

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🌎 GROUNDED CLOSING

Right now, my priority is foundation.

Housing stability.

Income stability.

Nervous system stability.

Romance cannot be the thing that stabilizes me.

It has to be built on something stable.

And if someone shows up weekly, consistently, respectfully —

curious about my world and willing to enter it —

That’s when a crush grows. 💙

Not because of fantasy.

But because of action.

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🌠 OUTRO / RESOLUTION

I’m not closed.

I’m selective.

Selective is strength.

If neither current connection grows into consistency, that’s okay.

Friendship can remain.

Romance requires structure.

Time will reveal who shows up.

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🔮 PROPHECY / FORWARD LOOK

If a man appears who:

Shows up weekly

Makes real plans

Learns my mythos with curiosity

Expresses desire without shame

Aligns words with action

Trust will grow.

And this time, it will be grounded. ✨

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📣 CALL TO ACTION

Focus on foundation.

Do not lower standards to soothe loneliness.

Let consistency choose you. 💙

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🖋️ ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Neser’en’kar builds worlds not just for fantasy, but for survival and structure.

Mythos is not escapism — it is architecture.

Depth is not drama — it is design.

And love, if it comes, must stand on stable ground.