When support controls you , this is not love. Its selfish 😒

📜 When Support Turns Into Control

🌫 Intro — The Promise

I once described myself as his emotional support buddy.

After his hospitalization, he said he would rely on us more. At the time, that sounded temporary. It sounded compassionate. It sounded human.

Helping someone sick is not the problem. 🤍

What changed was the structure.

🚪 Incident — The Door

Recently, he banged on the door and demanded we immediately go get his meal.

There was no discussion. No choice. Just instruction.

Go now. Come straight back.

That moment was small on the surface. But internally, something shifted. I wasn’t helping anymore.

I was complying. ⚠️

🔁 The Pattern

After his hospital stay, support turned into obligation.

Doctor appointments multiplied. Store runs became timed and monitored. My departure window narrowed. Keys were removed when he was displeased. Curfews were tied to sunset.

He refused nursing homes. Refused home care. Refused medical alert systems. Refused outside support.

But publicly, he described us as his caregivers.

There is no contract. No guardianship. No legal obligation.

Yet the role solidified.

🏠 Family Dynamic

My mother believes being kin means responsibility. She believes this is simply what family does.

I see something different.

When housing depends on compliance, it stops being care and starts being leverage.

When movement is restricted, it stops being help and becomes control. 🧩

🌑 Dark Night — The Moment It Became Clear

There is also history here.

I experienced sexual assault in this environment.

There have been no incidents in recent months due to his severe health decline.

But the body remembers.

The moment I realized I was both caregiver and previously violated in the same space — that was the collapse.

That was when support no longer felt safe.

That was when the structure felt like a trap. 🌘

🔥 Phoenix — The Shift in Me

My body used to react with fear.

Now it reacts with anger.

Not explosive anger.

Protective anger.

I am no longer confused about what is happening.

Clarity replaced denial. 🔥

🔮 Prophecy — The Loop

The pattern is simple:

No documentation → No income → No independence → Continued dependency.

That loop only continues if I do not see it.

I see it now. 👁

🌿 Grounded Closing

This is not written in chaos.

It is written in clarity.

I am not blind to the structure around me.

That awareness matters. 🌿

🎭 Sitcom Remix — Dark Edition

If this were a sitcom, it would be called:

“Everybody Loves Control.”

Episode One:

A dramatic knock on the door because the milkshake cannot possibly survive without immediate retrieval.

Episode Two:

Sunset Panic: The thrilling saga of leaving 45 minutes early to arrive 10 minutes early, only to turn around because someone forgot their papers.

Episode Three:

“My Caregivers” — a heartwarming tale of unpaid, uncontracted labor starring two unwilling co-stars.

Audience laughter track plays while the TV blares at volume 47, because apparently inner peace is illegal.

There would be a recurring gag where the keys disappear whenever someone shows independent thought.

And the catchphrase?

“His house, his rules.”

Roll credits. Freeze frame.

Except there’s no studio audience.

Just fluorescent lighting, curfew math, and a milkshake treated like a federal emergency. 🎬

Dark humor works because absurdity deserves exposure.

📣 Soft CTA — Not Drama, Just Awareness

If you recognize patterns like this in your own life, pause.

Control does not always look violent.

Sometimes it looks like obligation with a curfew.

Document it.

Name it.

Map it.

Clarity is the first boundary. 🧠

🪶 Signed Outro

This chapter is not written for sympathy.

It is written for record.

I am not confused about what is happening.

And I am no longer minimizing it.

That is the beginning of something different.

— N.

✍ About the Author

Neser’en’kar writes to document patterns, not to dramatize them. Clarity is chosen over reaction, structure over spirals. Each chapter is written with intention — not to create spectacle, but to preserve truth and awareness. This is one lived experience, recorded calmly and deliberately. ✨