before i tell you how i feel about my work as a lightworker
i need to tell you why i lost the drive and passion
and why i made the previous blog post...
it all started when i got called a demon because i was not giving the person my FULL attention at that very moment
he said he was tired of what i do
to me i took as he was sick of me
called me a demon even though i was helping people even if i was lead astray
with his help he redirected me
from that i grew better
even with this he still said my facebook group failed and he could do it better
he didnt write it as that but ... i felt insulted by how he made it sound
my group failed because to many selfish people was in it and me having to ban the trolls
i told him... fine my group failed from the start
he replies
it didnt fail because it led me to you
in my mind i go... no you just insulted me...
and the next day you call me demon because i wasnt responding on time
i never had to tell anyone i was busy before
they understand life is busy
you need pc breaks etc
him.. he wanted me to tell him i would be AFK but never admitted this until AFTER he called me a demon and i was selfish
the only thing i can think of as to why he called me a demon is... based on. not telling him i was AFK and not being able to give him my FULL attention at that moment
he grew tired of me saying WOW and other words like it as a one sentence
ook.. how is that a bad thing?
how is saying yes or right... wrong? (as a one word response)
i mean before he didnt seem to mind and now all of a sudden he was fed up with me
i know he told me he was going AFK but i didnt take it as i needed to do it too... i have other friends who never minded and would get back to me when they can and i do the same
as for one word sentences... i suppose he took it as me being cold and not listening to what he was saying... for me most of the time it was over my head and i didnt know how to respond so i just nodded so he could continue...
i guess he didnt know what a "shut in" meant
a person who dosnt travel and stayed in doors watching tv or playing video games
not exploring the outside world
in my case i was not brought up into the world of music and had to find that out through anime intros and video games
the radio was there but it didnt really help
i couldnt get it out of my head that i was a demon which meant i was no good to helping people
serving myself instead of others
being selfish
misleading people because i forced to believe we are suppose to help EVERYONE and to love EVERY person even if they are down right a monster
i thought i was helping people by saying... go with how you feel and the vibe they give off.. become super aware of how people make you feel and based on that chose who to help and who to love
apparently i was doing a shitty job
i was at a loss of words... to go on...
i was devastated
the insult to my facebook group started this downfall and to seal it was being called demon
i couldnt function anymore
i wanted to leave this physical plane of existence
i felt faded
i lost everything
my spirit guide tried to tell me... what if the game you made wants you to break down... what if this is showing you to NEVER give up
i couldnt listen
i didnt want to listen
i kept thinking i am a demon..
i am selfish...
even now i am uncertain how i feel about my work as a lightworker
idk if i will continue it or not
i am still at a loss of drive and passion for it
maybe one day it will return... idk
Comments