Let's begin with a new theme
diary entry 1
so basically all my posts are diaries lol
this one is just more apparent :P
topic
feeling lonely because I watched a tv show filled with drama
I am jelous that people have more friends than me
they have all the connections they ever need
me, no one ever talks to me
people always vanish from my life
they make up excuses
like but I lost my phone
but I lost my account info
but I lost your username so I couldnt find you until I digged in my watch history
but I didnt want to bother you because you were dealing with soo many people
oh I heard them all
ranging from them being shy to them being busy
if you go months without talking to me
and I did make the effort in talking to you and you still refuse to open up to me
then bye
I no longer will work towards you when you wont work towards me
enough said?
I deal with being alone on a daily basis
you think by now I would have more people talking to me on a daily basis but that is further from the truth
people vanish on me
I stopped chasing people years ago
why chase someone who wont talk to you anymore
why put the effort in when your only wasting your time
so I stopped talking to people long ago
knowing I am overlooked and ignored
if they are shy
they need to get over themselves
chances of that happening is well… slim to none
I should be going out with friends
hanging out with good people
not feeling so alone and outlasted
I am jelous that on tv
the lonely person finally makes friends
they finally find a place to call home
be liked
they find their star group family
at long last they found their lost friends
me, that never happens
I lose people left and right
am I really cursed like that guy says I am…
maybe
but then I remember
someone told me
its not me, its them
the people want nothing to do with you
your not the problem
the world around you is broken
your not broken the world is
one day you will find other like-minded people
just give it time
yeah its been years and im still alone
still dealing with feeling lonely
the world is not ready for my light and so I am met with trolls who test me and my light
I laugh at them
I know its just a test
then one day all the trolls vanish again
no more mean messages or comments
just empty silence
I can finally breath again
oh wait, this silence lasts for weeks on end
oh no, I got cabin fever and feeling all alone
let me talk to someone, anyone
even if its a troll
at least I wont feel so alone anymore
and so I stalk my guild chat…
at least I love their energy and atmosphere
I am happy being single but I am still jelous of people having friends and hanging out and stuff…
when I got no one lol
maybe I am really cursed
nah, my light scares them away
easy answer…
I am too powerful
I have too much free will
I am the alien
people fear me and ignore me
for people can not relate to me
people can not understand me
so I am the loner
I have accepted this long ago and yet I find myself crying on the inside about being all alone even though I have come to terms with this…
like why cry
why feel lonely for
you already accepted this and why your alone
why continue to cry about it or go back to this feeling
/shrug
i may not say anything but i do check my messages and comments
i guess i really need to send messages more often
not just shares