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thoughts for today 7-30-20

Writer's picture: amarathystamarathyst


 

Do I need to be aggressive

To be in conversation

To make friends


The people I thought were my friends

They abandoned me

They ignored me

One no longer checks their messages


Why does this keep happening to me

Losing friends and can't meet new people

 

this remains in my head

i notice that i am nothing more than an outcast

no one talks to me now - hardly


what changed?

am i doing something wrong?

 

the only thing changed was

i went from being a satanic person to an angel person


even when i was a satanic person

i had a couple of people i talked with

now after i destroyed my satanic energy

i have no one i talk to now

barely anyone approaches me these days


 

why?

I think its because they don't understand me

they don't understand the posts I share


my energy is not off-putting so I can't really comment on that

sorry


 

if people do approach me

they give me the creeps

with their strange messages

one guy tried to convert me

the same guy came back and said I was a destiny child of this god

the same creepy energy was felt

another person wasted my time

they didn't really want to talk to me

they only messaged me because I shared something

just to ask me if I was having issues with Youtube

not to respond to what i just shared


the other day he asked me how i was

when I told them I was getting creepy messages they assumed it was porno messages

I said no

they asked me what was sent

I told him

he just sent a hahaha message and I never heard from them again

so I know he is ignoring me and went completely fake

All at the same time, wasting my time

the last person sent me haunted photos of places and ask me to do something and I told them idk what you want from me so I said I feel evil

they sent me more photos and I am like yeah this is not going anywhere better block this creepy guy

the photos were uncomfortable in energy so I had to block this person from draining me

the only last person that sent me a message was asking me to call this number or to join their community in order for me to seek out help

you know how psychic promote themselves by asking you to call this number for a fee

yeah one of those types of messages

the energy also creeped me out so I blocked them


 

these were the most recent events

in the last three years

I had men chase me

I had people try to use me

I had trolls

more and more people went fake on me and left me

now, here I am with only two friends I talk with

out of everyone i lost or encountered

so within a hundred people over the last three years

have I tried meeting new people?

Yes

I see those posts where you leave your name and if the people like your energy they will add you

I tried making my own posts too

nothing works

and so I question my existence

why am I alone

why do other people have it easier and have no problems meeting new people

but when it came to me… I can not find anyone who would talk to me

have I tried to talk to other people?

Yes and they leave no response back

or if we do get to the friendship they stabbed me in my back and leave me for no reason


 

even now after all these years

knowing I changed from human to something more

everyone left me

everyone abandoned me

I need to not question this anymore and yet I find myself doing that from time to time

 

I know I'm probably not the only one who has gone through a journey like this

losing everyone around you

can not make new friends even when you try

so you are left with doubt in your heart

you are left with depression

you hate being alone and yet here you are

yes I learned to stand on my feet and to see red flags and all of that

as to why you are alone in the first place

is it because I still have not found myself and that is why I can not make friends or to keep them?

Maybe

it's possible


 

people say

what is any of this teaching you

i already learned to stand on my own feet and to keep going pick yourself back up and keep soldier on


trust no one because people are fake and mean

energy lies

actions speak louder than anything


trust is earned



 

i am still searching for my soul tribe

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